Fight Club...

It's currently 2 degrees in Minneapolis, and has been hovering around zero for the past 10 days. I am beginning to worry a little, because I wore a light track jacket to work today. Am I so well adapted that I can now just roll around in gear that is meant for 60 degree weather? Is that a good thing? Regardless, when the weather gets like this in January and there isn't any football to look forward to this weekend, I have to get out of the house and do something before I start developing multiple personalities and freaking out my roommate. Thus Twinsfest 2008 is the destination tonight. Current and former players will be there signing autographs/staring down women. There is a model of the new stadium that is just going to piss me off upon viewing and realizing that I have to sit in the dome for two more years. Twinsfest also boasts a baseball card and memorabilia show, which should produce a great collection of Mom's basement dwellers slugging around in sweatpants buying pieces of cardboard meant for 11 year old boys...and I'll probably sneak a peek. The Dazzle Man, Dan Gladden is going to be in attendance..which brings me to a solid story.

One of my former colleagues, who we will call Pat Landy, once got into a little altercation with Gladden at a Twins pre-game BBQ rally. Apparently our perpetrator was pretty intent on talking to a little hottie that we would later find out was Dan Gladden's 16 year old daughter. If I'm Dan Gladden, Pat Landy is about the LAST guy I want hitting on my teenage daughter. Mostly because his attitude towards the younger generation consists of this basic principle:

From what I hear, Dazzle and Landy exchanged some words, some louder words, and then a choking match ensued. Apparently a Vice President of the Twins at the time started getting excited, jumping up and down and pointing like a teenage girl at TRL. He's shouting "I know WHO you are and WHERE you work! You're fired dude!" Let's just say that Pat Landy is now banned from any future Twins games, Twins Events, and I'm not sure he doesn't have a restraining order disallowing him from going within 100 yards of any High School in the state of Minnesota. What a guy.

Let's quickly discuss who we would and wouldn't want to fight on the 1987 or 1991 Minnesota Twins.

The Glass Joe All Stars
1. Greg Gagne- Checks in at 5'11" 172 and that may be pushing it. He's far and away the obvious candidate.
2. Bert Blyleven- Just for the fact that he was like 49 when he was on the 1987 team. 49 year-old dudes can't hang.
3. Steve Lombardozzi- He played second base, never showed any emotion, weighed 174 lbs, and just looked like one of those guys that you could whoop up on. Similar to Luis Rodriguez now...which reminds me that I am mad that Luis Rodriguez is on our Major League roster.

The Pretty Boy Floyd's
1. Kent Hrbek- You don't fight a large Minnesota bred guy that can toss around Ron Gant like he's one of the girls on Dancing With The Stars. Hrbek is a good 6'2" 250, and I want no part of him.
2. Gary Gaetti(pre born again days)- Gaetti had a reputation for being the biggest partyer/psycho on the team. What would Jesus do?
3. Dan Gladden- The Dazzle man looked like one of those little guys that you would see in a townie bar and not think much of. Until he's drunkenly hitting on your girlfriend, causing you to give him some crap and then he rips his shirt off and starts cracking randoms with pool cues like he's Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse. Nice work Landy.