Twins Time...

The Minnesota Twins 2008 baseball season kicks off in 3 days, with a 6:05 game against Torii Hunter and the Anaheim Angels. I am predicting that Hunter will receive 75% cheers vs. 23% boos vs. 2% drunken hollering (Eric Marquardt is going to the game with our group). Why fans continue to boo players that leave their teams as a free agent is beyond me? Arent we all used to this by now? If you get all huffy and puffy every time a guy you root for leaves for supposed greener pastures, you're going to have a hard time watching sports for the remainder of your life. It happens...deal with it and move on. That being said, let's discuss the 2008 Minnesota Twins...

-I'm VERY excited about Delmon Young..like .310, 23 HR, 90 RBI excited. The Twins posess the best collection of outfield arms in the game. Cuddy, Gomez, and Delmon all have bazooka's (isn't cannon getting a little over used when describing a guys arm strength?).

-The pitching scares me. Livan Hernandez is basically going to be a Carlos Silva clone...4.25 ERA, 220 innings pitched, 12-14 record. Hernandez will be an innings gobbler, as well as a Burger King gobbler, and he'll be able to keep the bullpen rested once every five days. Boof is really the only other starter with any thing that resembles experience. After those two, it gets REAL dicey. Baker and Slowey have both been minor league darlings, but have been very inconsistent up in Minnesota. The absolute wild card in this discussion is Francisco Liriano, who I can see doing anything from winning the AL Cy Young award to never pitching in the major leagues again. I have no idea what the Franchise has in store for us this year...it doesn't help that he's about as open about his injuries as Barry Bonds is to steroid discussion. Is Liriano hurting right now? Is he just regaining his 2006 form? Who the hell knows...but what I do know is that the chance to compete and play .500 baseball lies in his surgically repair elbow.

-Kelsie Smith, from the Pioneer Press has a great article on Liriano's recovery...

-Did you know that Joe Mauer has sideburns? I've never heard of such a thing...

-Speaking of Mauer, Joe really needs to step up this year in my eyes. Play through a little pain once in a while, and DH here and there to keep his bat in the lineup. The "Minnesota boy made it big" story starts to wear thin when you realize he's about as durable as Glass Joe from Mike Tyson's Punchout...


-I think Morneau is in for a big year...I hear less and less about him out at the Mpls bars running game on 21 year old St. Thomas girls, which leads me to believe he's getting over that phase and looking to take baseball as seriously as possible. Which should be a scary thought for AL pitchers, as the Canadian has put together monster halves of seasons, but not a complete 162 game dominance...yet. 2008 is the year he goes wire to wire with a .295, 42HR, 130 RBI ass whooping. Eh?

NCAA Tournament- Day 2

9:32- The Favorites went 14-2 yesterday, so everybody's bracket is looking fairly intact at this point. I can't say the same about Marquardt's hair.

-Duke really struggled last night against Belmont State, narrowly pulling out a last second victory via a Gerald Henderson coast-to-coast layup with two seconds remaining. ESPN.com's Dana O'Neil writes how the Duke mystique is rapidly fading....

-Michael Beasley was the MAN last night, getting the best of his much-hyped matchup with O.J. Mayo and the USC Trojans

11:21- Bill Raferty: "And Vern Lundquist, American comes out in a mantaman!!!"

11:23- I just received a text from my boy Dane Fischer. Fish is the top assistant at Rider, and trust me when I tell you that he will have a major impact on this tournament someday. Big time...I'm talking Homer Drew type stuff. Rider just missed out on an NCAA Tournament bid when they last their conference championship game to Siena, the team that many are now picking to take down Vandy tonight.

11:26- Whoa...Rucker nearly spit his Miller Lite out upon seeing Billy Packer in HD...100 inches of high definition Packer isn't necessary before noon. Ever.

11:30- I received a few comments on here yesterday...that was a first, so I wasn't aware of it until this morning. Apparently my buddy who works for a certain professional sports franchise in Minnesota was reading the blog yesterday and noticed the Audrina info. Short story, short...the president of the team happened to walk by while all of Audrina's glory was up on his computer screen. Good times...

11:42- The gambling has started...Aaron Steele takes Tennessee -20 over American University (is that the school in the Mall of America?) after Rodney let's us all know that Bruce Pearl's crew plays "totally out of control". No worries...Rod also calls traveling almost every trip up and down the floor...

11:43- Forgot to mention...Big Rodney is my Dad. He's white...he just has an awesome name.

12:10- Thoroughly enjoying the Davidson-Gonzaga game. Both of these teams are bombing away, the uni's are amongst the sharpest I've seen this year, and Jim Nantz has reminded us twice now that Stephen Curry's name is pronounced "Steffen", not "Steven". Thanks Jim.

12:11- Four really solid games going on right now...all are within seven points. In a somewhat related note, Dan Monson is nowhere to be found...


12:20- One of my sweet 16 teams is looking a little vulnerable at the moment. The last two shots Drake took in the first half were a 33 foot three-pointer, trying to take advantage of the shot clock, and Emmenecker with a wild, running over his shoulder left-handed runner that went completely over the backboard. Reminescent of my pickup ball days at the Athletic Club.


1:08- Stephen Curry is in full NBA Jam "He's on FIRE!!" mode at this point. 24 points in the second half and he's drilling 25 footers with two guys in his face. The Davidson-Zags game is as good as it gets...

1:36- Final score from Raleigh: Davidson 86, Gonzaga 76. Stephen Curry ended up with 40 points...30 of which came in the second half. He. Is. Good.

2:08- Western Kentucky's Ty Rodgers, just had his one shining moment...as he DRILLS A three with no time on the clock to beat Drake 101-99. Huge shot...the absolute highlight of the tourney thus far. If you're wondering why the posts have been less frequent today, it's a result of the huge ass snowstorm we are currently experiencing in Minnesota, which has directly resulted in the Miller Lites flowing at a rather rapid pace. My bad.

2:13- Rod warns us to look out for Austin Peay against Texas, citing the in-state rivalry. Elsewhere in his USC football office, Pete Carrol shudders as he stares at UC-Riverside on the Trojan's 2008 schedule.

2:31- Two quick notes:

-Mars has cracked the porn barrier by 2:10pm...a new personal record for Eric. We're all very impressed.

-This has nothing to do with basketball, but while goofing around on youtube, I came across this classic ESPN commercial. Charlie Steiner just KILLS me at the end...

8:41- Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnd we're back! Completely dropped the ball on the blog updates this afternoon. My passport files were breached, and I had to do a few media interviews. Today has been tremendous...no complaints. Three absolutely classic games...led by Western Kentucky's overtime win over Drake. The most impressive victory of the evening may have been Siena taking Vandy down by 21. The aforementioned Dane Fischer, who is the assistant at Rider University, has to feel pretty good about watching the Siena team that ended his season demolish a solid Vanderbilt team that many penciled in as a sleeper.

8:50- Mars asks us what number Eric Gordon is...

8:51- Mars argues that Eric Gordon is better than DJ White. Definitely a valid point...although a little more valid if you even know what he looks like...

9:00- The beers are flowing heavily, and several members of our party have taken the stance of "if I was starting a NBA team, Lebron isn't a guy I would look towards". I will protect their identities to avoid future embarassment.

9:31- We are currently googling Robert "Tractor" Traylor...priceless stuff: "In January 2007 Traylor pleaded guilty in federal court to a federal income tax charge, the result of his dealings with a notorious Detroit mariuana dealer 'and Traylor's cousin' 'Quasand Lewis'. Traylor is currently charged with laundering more than $4Million worth of drug money for Quasand, who has been found guilty of laundering more than $180M in marijuana and cocaine drug money." Rod's quote: "He made more money in college than he did in the pros...". Great stuff...next up: Shawn Kemp.


9:34- We're still confirming details, but apparently Kemp has like 87 kids.

NCAA Tournament- Day 1

12:20- We're coming to you LIIIIIVVVE from Rucker's basement/Sports Emporium! The fellas and I are relaxing in black leather stadium style seating, enjoying the view on the 100inch HD projection screen, and pouring taps of Heineken. Life is good. Present for day one, we have Nathan Rucker, Eric Marquardt, Aaron Steele, and Anton Chigurh from No Country For Old Men is standing in the corner with a metal canister of air. Anton doesn't say much, and he's beyond creepy, but he'll come in pretty handy if we get locked out of the house.


12:30- Xavier is down 11 early in the second half...good thing I have the Muskateers advancing to the Elite 8. This may be an early bracket crumple year for Aaron.

12:43- Eric is excited about the amount of candy that is present. This is a guy that had 25 people chanting his name at a somewhat classy restaurant last Friday night as he consecutively devoured four cupcakes in one bite per cupcake. Combine the basketball, candy, and beer that is going on right now, and let's just say that Eric is probably pumped to the point where he shouldn't be wearing sweatpants...

12:52- Xavier has climbed back to within 6, with 12:05 to go...my frown is turning upside down.

12:54- I have no idea who is announcing this game, but I'm already yearning for some Gus Johnson enthusiasm. Let's get pumped up on some Gus Johnson calls from the last few years:




1:18- Rucks and I just decided that Dave Bliss, #44 for the Georgia Bulldogs, looks remarkably like Hans Klopek from The Burbs.


1:29- We are currently debating what more computer screens are tuned into at the moment: Newly surfaced pictures of Audrina from "The Hills", or the NCAA tournament scores. Our laptop scores it 1-1. I'll have Anton flip a coin...

1:46- There are approximately 300 people at the Marquette-Kentucky game. I'm guessing most of the Milwaukee population is still hungover from last night, considering it's only 11:50am in Anaheim. 37 PBR's and 4 bratwursts will do that to you...

2:33- Alright...we're back after a short break to get after the Heineken, and partake in some meatballs/pepper jack cheese/oreo's. Kent State has 8 points through the first sixteen minutes of the game. They're on pace for 20. Women's basketball coaches from the 1930's everywhere are rejoicing the return of "fundamentals".

2:35- Current consumption check: Rucker-4 Miller Lites, Steele- 3 Heineken's, and Marquardt- 4 Miller Lites, 1 Heineken, and three creepy comments about the temperature of the meatballs that he keeps affectionately calling "balls".

2:43- Carter Blackburn, a new announcer for CBS, looks all of seventeen years old. He's rocking a rather classy pocket square in a rather NOT classy CBS Sports blazer. I'm anxiously awaiting a "boom goes the dynamite" comment...


2:53- The first "chill" inducing moment of the 2008 NCAA Tournament comes not from an actual game, but from a new Nike commercial. Because I'm always looking out for you, my three faithful readers, I've got it for you:

3:31- Thank God for the Kentucky Wildcats, who are making their game with Marquette interesting, because the other three games are twenty point blowouts. This tournament hasn't witnessed an upset yet...the only upset I've seen today is the bag of oreo's survived Marquardt's stomach past 3:30pm.

3:36- Kentucky just drilled a 3, making it a 3 point game with 38 seconds left...meanwhile Rucker, Mars, and I are discussing the 1998 Vikings, which is like discussing that incredibly hot girl that you met at the bar 9 years ago. This girl talked to you for a good hour, flirted heavily, gave you her number...and then you called her the next day and it was a pizza hut.


4:03- Purdue is wrapping up their game against Baylor, and we are going to wrap up this afternoon session by finding out what happy hour in Stillwater, MN has to offer. Back in two hours...

8:03- Ok...so it was more like four hours.

8:05- We have been watching the USC-K State game at Buffalo Wild wings, and have decided that Michael Beasley would look pretty damn good in a Wolves uni. We also decided that Mars has a female appetite for buffalo wings...

8:23- Belmont just about shocked the world, narrowingly missing a 35 footer that would've taken down Duke with no time on the clock. The tourney has officially started! Where was Bill Rafterty for the commentary on that game?! Duke is looking as solid as the Dow Jones at the moment. The people that picked West Virginia to beat the Blue Devils in round two are currently crushing Miller Lites (at least one of them is).

9:09- Maxwell Rucker decided to grace us with his presence this evening for the Wisconsin game. He passed on filling out a bracket this year, but DID decide to enter a most awesome pj's competition. Polls are still open...vote early and vote often.

Deja Vu All Over Again...

Ladies and Gentlemen...Blake Hoffarber:


If that name, or his penchant for beating buzzers rings a bell, it's because Blake was the kid from Hopkins that hit the shot from his ass in the Minnesota State High School Basketball Tournament in 2005. Hoffarber earned an ESPY for that shot, and forever earned the right to scoff at the notion of "get up off your butt and do something".

Passing on Protection...

It looks like Bryant McKinnie keeps stepping up the level of classy gals he rolls with. As soon as I determine what is the next rung on the ladder below crack whore, I'll keep you posted as to what McKinnie is up to next. I love how our left tackle just keeps it ghetto through and through. Starting fights at gas stations at 5am, beating up bouncers at clubs, getting WEIRD on the "Love Boat", and by weird I mean it sounds like this guy was feeding the geese more than tourists visiting Silver Lake in Rochester. For those of you not familiar with Silver Lake or Rochester...there is a lot of geese, and a lot of feeding of them. Good job Bryant!

He's Scoring at Home...

The Twins and Red Sox squared off yesterday, pitting their respective prized young arms against each other. Francisco Liriano threw for the Twins, and Clay Buchholz took the mound for Boston. The Franchise somewhat struggled, getting through 2 innings before being pulled with no outs in the 3rd. Liriano allowed three runs on four hits, but was rather upbeat in his postgame interview. After watching Liriano basically lie to the Twins coaching staff the entire month of September 2006, he comes off as trustworthy as Eliot Spitzer. The big news of the day, however, was Mr. Buchholz and his infamous girlfriend. Apparently, Clay is dating the 2007 Penthouse Pet of the year Erica Ellyson. Hopefully the young Sox hurler sees some success on the mound this year for the defending Champs, so he can at least step it up to playboy...I mean Penthouse? Do you really want your girl flashing her meat locker to millions of horny losers that live in their mom's basement?

On the Horizon...

Next Thursday and Friday I took off work, so that for the first time since my senior year of college, I would be able to watch the first round of the Men's NCAA Basketball Tournament in its entirety. My good pal Rucker invited a select few of us over to take it all on his 96" HD screen, from the comfort of leather stadium seating.

When my boss asked me what the vacation was for, and if I was heading out of town, I told him that I was indeed....I was heading to Stillwater to sit in Rucker's basement and watch college basketball for two straight days.

Anyways...the big news here is that I will be blogging the entire experience with a minimum of hourly updates. Rod Steele will be in attendance, a keg of Miller Lite is on reserve at MGM Liquors in Stillwater, and I plan on keeping you all up to speed on what the crew of idiots is up to. A few quick predictions:

-My rommate, Eric Marquardt will have his bracket in the trash by Thursday at 6:30pm
-My writing will peak around the 7th beer of the day (approximate estimated time of 3:45pm CST), and then head downhill quickly in the evening hours
-Gus Johnson will be excited
-58 year old Rod Steele will kick off the keg stands
-Finally...all of our significant others will start aggressively looking for other guys...

The Meaning of Life...

A few of my readers that are more on the casual side of sports fandom have asked me what the title of my blog means, or where I came up with it. Without further adieu, I present: Herm Edwards...

Finally...

After years of speculation, Brett Favre announced his retirement today ending his storybook 17 year career in the National Football League...probably. I've been watching sports long enough to know that no doors ever really close when somebody says that they are retiring. Couldn't you just envision a scenario in June when Favre gets that itch going and decides to give it just one more shot? Regardless of speculation, I wanted to post some videos to honor a guy that I have always greatly respected, despite wearing the Packers jersey that I grew up despising. Favre reminds me of how my brother and I used to play football in the backyard when we were kids. Having an absolute blast...and competitive as all hell. Always smiling...because, yeah the NFL has become a business like no other sport, but at the end of the day football is still fun, and Brett Favre reminded us of that for seventeen years. Thanks #4...we'll miss you...

Thanksgiving 2007 Tribute


The OT TD to Jennings against Denver


ESPN Sound Bytes before 2005 MNF Game


The post game interview from Favre's first game...complete with a pre-murderous OJ, who comes across about as creepy as that 46 year old guy that frequents Gap Kids, but never buys anything...


Finally, the interview following the season finale of the 2006 season, in which Favre cried, and sounded as if he was done for good...stay tuned...